the juggling bachelorette – I can’t juggle!

When it gets noisy, you are distracted by too many things at once. You have no idea who is saying what, what you are even thinking, who A and C is, let alone what D is doing, and all you want to do is just be left to B. It’s less noisy when you concentrate on one thing at a time. Although sometimes we have no choice in everyday life to try and juggle it all.

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That’s me with online dating, although I am not the best juggler when it comes to men. I can’t juggle it all once I am lucky enough to have met someone that makes me laugh so much my stomach hurts. {Thank goodness that wasn’t followed by a good old Blease snort I am now becoming known for with my bestie}! I’m not sure I have even laughed that hard without it being a close friend. I dropped a lemon last night trying to juggle two in one hand in the kitchen. I was trying to be cool and testing if juggling two lemons would be a success for me. It isn’t me. How do people juggle several? You are surely going to drop them at some stage, even if you are a pro juggler. Yes I may lose some lemons in the process, but I’m being true to me and there’s plenty of lemons on those trees if this lemon falls.

I was honestly juggling lemons – real ones! I’m a clown sometimes.

Using real chat now, I really do not know how people do have men and women lined up. There aren’t enough days in a week. I want to see my friends, be an awesome parent to my littles, do my own thing, run, cycle, work on my business, and in there have some downtime. I can’t do all of that and date A, B, C and D. I just want to be left to B at the moment. Is it morals or is it just the fact I am normal and have a life too. There aren’t enough date outfits in my closet, and I am not ready to be seen in the same outfit twice. I will forget what I wore on the last date if I am juggling all those men! – I am trying to be funny right now. I couldn’t care less if I wore the same thing twice. It might be my favourite top.

Talking to a friend at cheerleading she spoke about her friend that is now married to the woman he met online. He apparently was about to give up and nearly didn’t go on that date. Now they are married with little people. He couldn’t handle the noise of online dating. And that surely is my issue if you call it that. I would more say it’s my old fashioned morals. If I was dating that many men back in my 20s I would have been called a tart, (possibly more the S word, but not sure that is appropriate for this blog). I know tough word but that’s what girls were known as. Sadly I think that made a man cool when I was younger. I haven’t had that many boyfriends in my lifetime – too busy fighting to be brave, and they were always long term relationships I had.

We also spoke about dates I had been on and the fact there was no connections. I was talking through some of them, trying to force something to be there. It was already too hard, shouldn’t need to force or talk through the what if. Shouldn’t it be easy? I’m sorry but I’ve done too hard all of my life, survived that, become this brave woman I am today and I don’t need too hard in love. Nobody needs too hard. I now believe I need that guy that makes my stomach hurt from laughing too much. I need someone that actually laughs at my jokes. I’m not sure I’m funny, however my friends laugh at me, with me and sometimes even have sore stomachs because I’m hilarious. Life hasn’t been the easiest for me. I have no idea sometimes how I even got to be who I am today. I’ve done it on my own a lot, especially from that moment I lost my mum. She would tell me to not be a tart and listen to my morals and follow that sore stomach of mine. I know I definitely need someone that accepts my fears, my past, how I live to help others find their voices, the fact I have the raddest little people, that my friends are my family and I have the biggest fire brewing in my belly to do so much more with Be Brave. Plus I don’t need tough love. I am already tough enough, with a lot of weaknesses too, but they make me who I am, and those weaknesses have helped so many people. Pretty sure that means I don’t really have a weakness.

Maybe I expect too much? – then I read messages from people saying that if anyone deserves love, it is me. I think we all do. But yes, I agree, it would be pretty rad to have someone think I am awesome like my friends think of me.

Then there’s the part I find hard, you’ve been messaging people before this one awesome date and you can’t just cut them off and stop answering them. Or can you? It’s this fine line that I don’t like being on. No one probably cares about others feelings as much as I do. Think sometimes I need to harden up! It’s just words written on a phone. It’s not a date, and it definitely doesn’t make me belly laugh writing a text message. When do morals become a thing in this online dating world? For me, I am old school, they are already there and I want to continue laughing from my belly. I am cool to date one. It is what I did when I met my x husband all those years ago. We liked each other, clicked, and dated just each other. Now we line them up like they are sitting ducks. It is so not cool to be hanging around until that point you get shot down. However I am not going to judge on how it works now as I had an awesome date and without being part of those sitting ducks myself I wouldn’t have laughed to the point I could have pee’d my pants!

I have turned online dating into lemons and ducks and clowns – hopefully you are with me, and understand. This new way of dating is just that, confusing. However it can make you feel pretty awesome when you meet someone that you have a connection with, and it is those awesome ones you need to hang onto.

 

 

 

bda

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