I am a good person. But damn this online dating thing is making me feel like a bitch. This is why I don’t rate it. Like I said in the last post, you are a sitting duck, and you also have sitting ducks yourself. I am ignoring them, sometimes feeling bad, flicking a message so I don’t feel so horrible. I can’t juggle them. I am even rejecting and I feel terrible in doing so.
I wonder how many women I am sitting up against. I am not a competing woman – so that is really making me feel quite uneasy to be part of the competition. So I probably shouldn’t wonder about that, I and will take that wonder away! If you are wearing a better outfit then me, awesome, you win. If you can run faster than me, awesome, I will probably slap you a high five and tell you that you are awesome. If you haven’t had little people yet, and I have, and you win their heart because I have 3 hearts, and not just one, then awesome, you have a great life ahead of you creating a family. If you have a high powered job, earn lots of money, own your own home, awesome, you are achieving in a way that is very different to my achievements. You win. He is all yours, and that is awesome for you.
However if my outfit to him is better than yours, because my skirt is a little longer, and I can rock it without heels, then awesome. If it doesn’t matter the speed I move, and you are too fast for him, then awesome. If me having two of the raddest, most loving, incredible (ok sometimes they are not cool), little people is an added bonus of lots more love to give, then awesome. If me wanting to help others with using my business, my ability to run, and use my voice, whilst creating a beautiful home, is inspiring to him, then awesome.
We are all different, we all have our things to offer in a relationship. What is ideal for me, may not be ideal for you. It is only if we are both thinking the same guy is ideal, I will probably take that backseat, continue to be me, and hope that me being me is enough for someone. I don’t rate this way of dating, but if I stay true to who I am, what I want, then I think that awesome guy will be right in front of my face. Lucky I have those close friends helping to keep me grounded, because I would give anything to date old school. I could be proven wrong, and maybe when you meet that guy that thinks you are awesome, they don’t keep women on the shelf, and it will feel like you met in the pub, exchanged numbers and the rest is history; you just dated each other.
As I have said before, I am the biggest dork, completely awkward in my approach, and I get stupid nervous if I like someone. I am probably making the biggest fool of myself in life doing this, and blogging about it. My mum would say, ‘no more than usual!’ Imagine if a guy read it that I was trying to date. I did question that, but one of my best friends said if he was into me, he would only see a woman that is vulnerable, a brave woman, who is a little confused with the modern world of love. Most of all he would see a sweet strong girl looking for old school love with someone that will make her laugh and smile. I hope she is right! He could also see an awkward woman trying to write her way into a love story!
I would really like to find love, and to do so, this is the main way we find it now. It will be pretty incredible if I do find it. And if I don’t, you can all watch me continue to live a happy life fulfilled with amazing friends, and my gorgeous little people, still doing my thing with Be Brave to make a difference in someone else’s life and running my business.
Last night I said to my daughter that I felt a little lonely. She said, ‘mum you have me,’ as she squeezed me tighter. I am lucky to be loved unconditionally.