We all need to debrief sometimes, and for me it can be hard to get across how I am feeling inside and why I am feeling the way I am feeling. Those words get stuck and for some reason it doesn’t come out right. I have anxiety again. I kind of knew it would come back considering all of the stuff I have going on. It is because of fears and not feeling in control of them. Sadly sometimes I cannot get rid of those thoughts and they hang around until I can either run them out, or spin them out on my bike.
Everything is coming together for the ride. I feel we are pretty organised. Still quite a bit to get done with accommodation, some logistics and an updated press release, but that is all achievable. I am training well, looking forward to my first rest day in 11 days tomorrow. I feel fit, healthy, and generally happy. So what is it that is causing my chest to crumble?
Finding my voice when I was younger was huge. It was a big turning point in my life, and for me to be able to discover who I truly was and am. I had a big part of me taken away, and I believe that part of me will never come back. It can’t. He took my childhood innocence. I can only ever give my children, and other children their innocence by sharing my voice today. It is sharing me that lights a huge fear inside. I am afraid of not being heard. That no matter what I do to try and help, no one will hear me. My voice won’t travel far enough, and again, I will be silenced. Creating awareness isn’t easy if you have no one listening. If my voice isn’t powerful enough, then how does it travel if no one cares enough to hear me; to hear all of those children that have no voice.
That is my fear. That is the anxiety that cripples me today. I want to make a difference. Without being heard, child abuse will never change. 1 in 5 children. I am one of them, and I am that one that wants to be heard to help those that have no voice.
Please don’t silence us. I always thought that someone with a more powerful voice than mine could make the changes. However maybe my voice is stronger, than I even realise.
Just under 4 weeks to go.
Be Brave. H
*image: a beautiful print by one of my best friends. Today was the perfect day for her to share an image of my daughter which she made incredibly beautiful, and to me says so much about childhood and how we should be feeling.