the letter to today’s anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

You are not here at the moment. I am quite liking the fact you aren’t here. Not sure why I am writing to you, as you may rear your ugly head now that I am chatting to you. Although I do have knots in my stomach, and feel rather sick in the pits of it. {That could be you in another form}. Although, that is pretty normal, we are about to tackle a meeting that is huge for me. I just don’t need to walk in this meeting full of self doubt or questioning myself. It won’t allow me to see clearly, and right now I need a very clear picture. Not one where I load a pile of negative crap on top of myself. I kind of think I have enough hanging over my head to deal with any more negativity.

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I know I have the most amazing strength inside of me, and on the day it is going to shine. It can’t help but shine. That is why I have all these stomach twists and turns, because this is all so very real for me. It means more than anything to be heard, and have my voice shared in a room with the most powerful man in our State. You can come along for the day if you would like, I will clear the lenses on my glasses, take the biggest breath ever and shake the Premier’s hand. Once I get past that point, the words will flow, you will be a distant feeling, to the point where it won’t matter if you are making me feel nervous. I have this, and I have always had this.

The rest of my life, well I will just throw my life into my beautiful littles, and the rest feels like it means nothing. You would have felt that yesterday, I threw you into a soccer game in the park, an obstacle course, and we laughed, slipped over on the slippery grass and laughed some more until I could feel tears. That is the best kind of feeling! I have you firmly grasped in the pits of my stomach, and there you can stay. Nausea, I can roll with.

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See you next time, for now, stay where you are, and we can laugh through the next few days being a big kid that I am, with or without you.

H

 

{Getting through the week leading up to my meeting with Mike Baird has been easier focusing on the two most important people in my life. I may not have a whole lot more than them, but I know that right now I don’t need to be anything more than their mum. We sing at the top of our lungs in the car, we dance in the lounge room, and they have a mum that loves the person she is. Good things come to those who wait. Laughing, being the raddest mum ever to them is all kinds of awesome, and all you need in times where you feel like you are just about to live your dream…. woo hoo}.

bda

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