be brave & speak up; you will see your strength

I am in absolute awe of any man that stands up and says they have been sexually assaulted. I have a huge feeling that my brother was too. He won’t stand up and say he has, but his actions in life scream abuse. His answer to myself and mum when we asked if our dad had abused him too, was, “I don’t know.” My sister on the other hand was a flat out no. You know. Sadly I have heard some awful rumours about my brother and where he is at in life. I cannot find him, contact him, and sadly I don’t think I can, even if I could. He has turned to things that breaks my heart, and I need to keep my little family safe from. I just hope deep down he knows that he is so loved by me, and I miss the big brother I grew up with.

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{I had to get that off my chest, because I am not even sure I can talk about it with my friends properly. Even though, I am not disclosing here what is happening to him. I hate what has happened to us. Abuse really can kill the inner person. I hope that I can help change this to show people it is ok to show the strength you have, how little it might be, it is huge. It is bigger than any abuser has}.

This morning I was waiting for my coffee, innocently chatting to a person I have known for years; a young man. He asked about my running, and if I had any crazy events coming up. We spoke about the ride I am planning, and I told him I was doing it for child abuse awareness, and children affected by domestic violence. He then said, ‘this is a cause close to your heart…..’ I continued by telling him it was and that I was sexually assaulted by my father as a child. The look in his eyes was enough. I see people’s reactions all the time, but this was different.

He told me he too was sexually assaulted.

The conversation went on.

I need to do this ride. It is in the forefront of my mind, and heart. Even if it absolutely hurts me to the core, I am doing it. I am not 100% sure when yet, however it will happen, and I know once I get talking, more people will turn to me, or turn to the people close to them, and stand up stronger than they ever believed they were. The thing is, you are way stronger than you believe you are. That, I am still learning. And no doubt I will learn it more as I ride.

This afternoon I run to talk about riding. It is time.

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bda

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